wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
