well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
