Your face is a jimmy john
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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