I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
