I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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