For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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