yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize