Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
