Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
