I cannot find my penis.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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