he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
