So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
