What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
