In America we eat man semen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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