I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
