Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
