i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
