We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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