My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
