The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
