i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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