I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
