where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
