I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
