he looks like a really good dad on facebook
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
