what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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