There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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