this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
