end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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