I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..