That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
