I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize