Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
