It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
