U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
