i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
