Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
