it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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