the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
