I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
