Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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