This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
