he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
