my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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