You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
