Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
