how can u be prego again
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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