Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
