i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you will always have a special place in my vag
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
