The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
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You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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