I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
