i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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