I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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