i wish starbucks made bloody marys
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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