i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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