i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
