Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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