DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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