Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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