I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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