I am puke
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
