she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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